When its a choice, and when its not.

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by Waterd103, Aug 10, 2010.

  1. mrCrupp

    mrCrupp Active Member

    I want to talk about my personal experiences here. When I was a a youth I was about a bigger sh*t than I am now. The only major difference was that I was less world-weary and thus a bit more lively back then. Anyway, I used to really love Sherlock Holmes, so much so that I made a constant game of deducing details about people based on what I observed about them. I wasn't any good, but it helped pass the time. I was also very focused as a student before, really getting into the material.

    Fast-forward the tape two decades, and I haven't read Conan-Doyle in ages. I also realize now how presumptuous Holmes' deductive method was. I'm less focused now with learning things, though I've gotten to know a lot of stuff from all the life experience the world has seen fit to vomit on me.

    In my opinion it's something of a given that you are your track record - people can deviate from that track record consciously but only with the investment of huge amounts of time and resources. And, if my past experience is anything to go by, it's not always guaranteed that you'll meet your stated goal of being this better kind of person. More often than not, change happens and it's something you least expect.

    There's a lot in life you have no control over, starting with the fact that you were born at all - it's not like one already had sentience as an embryo. Starting from there, you have no choice about your genetic make-up, your parents, your living conditions, your economic status, etc. You have no control over the billions of other people on Earth who are also scrabbling for whatever purposes they have. So many things you have no control over swirl around you every second of every day but somehow something sticks to your soul and incrementally you evolve your sense of self. And the kicker is, the process continues your entire life; we just fool ourselves into thinking that there's any permanence to who we are. Bruce Lee was right in that self-discovery ends prematurely because of your death.

    Because of this I don't like to think about sexuality and even personality for that matter as a choice/non-choice. For me, it's more apt to say that who you are right this moment emerges from the chaos of your life and circumstances and you're not required to stick to this aspect for any longer than you like. Then again, there's no telling how long you'll be the current you, so just probably enjoy the ride with all your teeth intact.
  2. matt.lashof

    matt.lashof Active Member

    Here's another argument about sexuality not being much of a choice, that I haven't seen brought up in this thread:

    If being gay were a choice, given all the discrimination, assault, worse legal status, etc, why the heck would anyone ever choose to be gay?

    Like, being gay is not better or worse than being straight, but it is for sure more difficult. Who would choose the more difficult option, when one'll have a much easier time in life if straight?
  3. link6616

    link6616 Well-Known Member

    But while not being gay has advantages... If you are a man looking for easy easy sex... The gay community offers it up, and there are a few straight guys who delve in as such looking for a quick easy hook up, usually just oral and not reciprocating although many will top too. How widespread this is vs me loathing my own subculture I'm not sure but it's worth keeping in mind.

    But also, been to a Fine arts campus for study? Being Gay earns you brownie points with a lot of people, they are so accepting, and nice. If you weren't looking to score with anyone there pretending to be gay would probably help you earn friends provided you found a cool way to come out. It's very much the ultimate left wing status symbol, being gay. I mean, sure when you get back to dealing with the real world again it can be an issue...

    Then of course you are protected by anti discrimation acts if you really wanted to abuse this all the way. Get fired without a really good reason, say they are discriminating against you for being gay. It can be useful at just the right moments...

    I mean, you are ultimately right, it's a worse choice... Mostly. But occasionally being gay is the counterpick.
  4. matt.lashof

    matt.lashof Active Member

    Counterpick vs. what? Jefferson Degrey, Ghostly Diplomat? He seems kinda like a lefty.
  5. Lemmingrad

    Lemmingrad Well-Known Member

    One of my gay friends before coming out of the closet, tried to be a straight guy in highschool. Now you could argue it's just a bad history of bad girlfriend choices, but eventually he got sick and tired of being hooked up with the stereotypical highschool girl (chatty, thinks mostly of themselves etc. One of them literally kept talking on the phone when he wasn't near the receiver for 20 minutes) but he claimed that was his motivation.

    So basically to him, the average male has more appealing traits to him than the average female, that he was willing to give up being straight for his own well being.
  6. matt.lashof

    matt.lashof Active Member

    Right, but he didn't just up and choose to be gay, he was already gay and attempting to be straight. This isn't really an example of "choosing to be gay". This is an example, as far as I can tell, of a gay person being unhappy pretending to be a straight person. Big shocker there.
  7. link6616

    link6616 Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I was using the term counterpick badly and in a joking manner. It's mostly a bad 'choice' if you aren't actually gay as just mentioned. But sometimes the worse option works out better, much like a counterpick in a fighting game. Sometimes you can use being gay to your advantage despite it being mostly not useful. Anti discrimination laws are usually where you use this.
  8. matt.lashof

    matt.lashof Active Member

    Yeah, I was kidding too, I got where you were coming from :)
  9. deluks917

    deluks917 Yomi League 1 Champion

    I'm bi-sexual but generally prefer women. I've dated men. My father doesn't know and would not approve. I think there are alot of advantages to being gay. I think the biggest difference is that women are much more open with gay men (slightly less so with bi men). When I had a boyfriend people would often assume I just gay. The difference in how women interact with you when they perceive you as straight compared with when they perceive you as gay is unbelievably striking.
  10. UlyZed

    UlyZed Active Member

    In response to the OP, I think there is a spectrum rather than a binary. You aren't 100% gay or straight, and just because a choice might close off options, it doesn't mean there wasn't a whole context that choice was made in that did and does exist.

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